Sometimes life is broken. You are going to need the strength to pick up the broken pieces and move on.

For those of you who do not know, Nick called and broke up with me while he was in Iraq. Was this expected? No. Despite this fact, there comes a point in your life when you realize that maybe things needed to happen this way. Was our relationship perfect? Absolutely not. Did I do things wrong? Yes, of course I have done many things wrong in the past, but the last little while  I was fully supportive of Nick's goals and the place his life was headed. My goals, however, were not the same as Nick's. School and my education have always been the most important thing in my life. I would sacrifice anything for my future career. I have had a lot of time to think over the last week, and I have realized one thing-- I was going to be a house wife. That's where my life was headed. Would I ever be happy being a stay at home mom/wife? Probably not. I have dreams and ambitions. I want to travel the world, I want to go to grad school eventually, and most importantly I want to educate and impact people's lives. Was the break up mutual? Was I thinking all of these things at the time he did this to me? Absolutely not. I was heart broken. Nick and I have been through many things together. He has been the biggest part of my life since I was nineteen. Will I get through this? Yes. Will it take time? Absolutely. I feel like I let my family down. They did so much for Nick. I feel stupid because I was supposed to get married and now I am not. I cringe when people ask me why I am not wearing my wedding ring. Did I expect to be engaged more than once in my life? No, but sometimes you have no control over the things that happen to you. Do I cry still? Sometimes, because I know I didn't do anything wrong. Apparently we weren't right for each other though. Did I expect it to happen when he was on the other side of the world? No, I thought he was more civil than that, but you live and you learn. For those of you that fully supported Nick and I, I feel bad. For those of you that took time out of your lives to help me plan a wedding, I sincerley appologize. For those of you that had my back through this "four month" deployment, you are the best.  For those of you that have been here through the heart ache and tears, thank you! Nick was my "college sweet heart." I was with him all four years of college. I graduated college in May, so I suppose it's just time to close a chapter of my life and move on.  All wounds take time to heal. Lucky for me, I didn't get married eight months ago like was initially planned. Putting time into something that was never going to work is hard, but I am not as upset anymore. I am just tired. Tired of wasting my time. Will we get back together? No. I know some of you don't believe me, but it's true. I am done wasting my time. I am done with the heart ache. I feel I deserve better. Much love to my friends and family. Ash.